you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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