Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
