I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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