porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
