O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
