Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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