I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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