Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
