wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
