ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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