This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
