Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
