let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
