The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
