Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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