I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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