im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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