I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
