I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
