There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
