I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
