i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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