as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
