OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
