Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Alive.
So much puke
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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