After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
