sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
