So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize