i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
