i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
