FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Randomize
