So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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