I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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