Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
