Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
