We're facebook friends in real life
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
