Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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