i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
