I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
