he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
