see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
