he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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