omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
