Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
