dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
