Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
