she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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