Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
