You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So many bounce houses so little time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
