GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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