dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
