Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
worst night to have a conscience
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize