i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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