you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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