I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
