1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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