I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
