Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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