proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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