1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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