I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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