sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you will always have a special place in my vag
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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