My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he thought i was a dude.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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