Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
