You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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