is your mom at the bar?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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