I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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