Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
