people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
